please help...

[cartersgirl]

hopefully some one will be able to offer some encouraging words.... here is a little bit about my situation, I am in GA and my fiance' is in the academy. We are getting married in March.
ok so he did get a chance to call me collect last night but it was only for 10 minutes and with the time difference (3 hours) it was really late. Anyways, time doesn't matter as long as I know he is ok. He was very stressed and I felt so useless, does anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with the distance between us and words of encouragment i can offer him when he does get the next chance to call? i want to be able to support him and let him know he is very loved and that i am proud of him. thanks to anyone who can offer help....

[la fawnda]

Hey Girl,

Ok. First thing is first. Stop giving out any personal info on this message board. Names, cities or anything that could help identify your cadet are a big NO NO. You might want to think about it. The teachers and officers at the academy patrol this site looking to find cadets and make their lives a living hell (more so). Do not draw anymore attention to your cadet. Ask vague questions.

Second, I too am experiencing exactly what you are. It is much harder than I first realized. You must be strong for your cadet. When he calls you with only 10 min. Keep it light. Try not to lose it. ( granted, there will be times to let some of it out, just not now) Don't unload a lot of emotional baggage on him. Tell him "good luck!" and you love him. Just listen and let him go. Believe me, he will thank you later for it. It is a selfish time for them, not us. They cannot give too much attention to anyone else but themselves. You must be like a rock even if you are crumbling on the inside. It will make him stronger if he knows (or thinks :smile: ) that you are doing OK and supporting him 100 percent. These first (and last) few weeks are going to be really hard for me too. It is going to take time to adjust. I have taken up a few new hobbies to keep me busy. I stay really busy. It is only 6.5 months. Not five years. You can do it, and your relationship will reap many strengths and benefits.

Fawnie

[ChippieWife]

Don't forget to tell him how proud of him you, and everyone else is of him and what a big accomplishment it is to even be there! He was picked out of 100 people..Remind him often! And, like Fawnie said, be a rock..KEep it light, even though you want to kick and scream and cry, be upbeat for his sanity..It's the hardest thing in the world, but he'll thank you for it! I made a very selfish mistake of breaking down about our wedding stresses (our wedding was 2 days after CHP graduation) on the phone, and he was one point from failing test because he was so worried about me and couldn't think about anything else when he usually scored in the 90's....Have him keep his eyes on the prize, it will all be worth it when it's over..I've been there and the time at the academy has taught me alot of patience and I appreciate, respect, and admire my husband so much more than I ever though possible. It was a good test for our realtionship and it's stronger than ever now. And after the first three weeks to month, they get into a routine and handle it all much better... :smile: And when they're happier, we are, too..

[cadetspouse]

ok so he did get a chance to call me collect last night but it was only for 10 minutes and with the time difference (3 hours) it was really late. Anyways, time doesn't matter as long as I know he is ok.

Just a quick bit of advice for your sanity and his ease of transition at the Academy......"junior" Cadets (meaning those in CTC II-06) are NOT allowed and are NOT supposed to use their mobile phones to make any personal calls during the first week of the Academy. THIS IS A DEFINITE RULE. However, it sounds as though he used a pay phone (since he called you collect). In the past few weeks, Staff Officers have been trolling through Cadets' rooms and quads at all hours of the evening and at night when Cadets are supposed to be sleeping. They check to see if Cadets are on their mobile phone at an unauthorized time, if they are up studying after "lights out", or if they aren't sleeping in their beds and sheets properly. If your fiance was caught on his mobile phone, he could have gotten some unwanted "special attention" the next morning when his name was on the Staff Office board!

Also, the Academy's motto is "Cadets do not lie, cheat, or steal, nor do they tolerate those who do." If Staff Officers ask the new Cadets if any of their roommates have been using their mobile phones during the first week, then your fiance would be putting those roommates in a difficult position where they would have to either "rat him out" or lie to the Staff Officers.

I was in your position three months ago when my spouse left for the Academy. I too was very curious and stressed the first week. I didn't receive any phone calls, but I did write during the first week to send some words of encouragement. My suggestion is to encourage him not to call unless he absolutely needs to. After the first week, they should be able to use their mobile phones between 8:15-8:45pm Pacific time Monday through Thursday starting with Week 2 of the Academy. Also, I imagine that your Cadet is already very stressed and busy adjusting to Academy life. Just try to be supportive either through a letter or a brief "Hang in there" if he uses a pay phone to call you again this week.

You can send mail to him during the first week with the basic address below:
Cadet [Last name], [First initial]
CTC II-06
California Highway Patrol Academy
3500 Reed Ave
West Sacramento, CA 95605-1699

Next week, you should be able to add his company letter (either Co. A or Co. B) when he tells you his assignment.

If you have any other questions, feel free to send me a personal message anytime.

[Flying Pig]

When he gets done tell him to take one for the team and suck it up....the pay check in a few months will make all the pain go away!