Thankful

[Misschris1031]

Hello!!
I am glad that I found this site. MY BF goes into the academy at the end of May (fingers crossed). The things that I have already read have really helped me gain a perspective on life at the academy. I just wanted to say to all of you that get to see your cadets on the weekends.. feel lucky! I live in Los Angeles and will not see mine much while he is gone. I appreciate all of the advice and support in advance.


Misschris

[KingFrankSam]

It is not uncommon for cadets from SoCal to think that they will not go home on the weekends. Once they survive the first week, they change their minds. If your boyfriend gets in, it's a sure bet that he will be home every weekend that he has liberty.

[makakona]

first off, i have no sympathy for los angeles-ers. we did san diego to sacto. ;) just kidding... kind of! hang in there, misschris, it's not that bad!!! and make sure he gets a southwest frequent flier miles card and signs up for their emails! you can find cheap flights if you plan ahead!
and second, i wouldn't call it a "sure bet," horatio. it's ridiculous for a cadet to drive that every weekend and it gets expensive to fly it. i absolutely did not see my husband every liberty weekend... and not because of his sacramento girlfriend. ;) we frequently went three, four, five, and six weeks without seeing one another. less than ideal, sure, but when southwest jacks those ticket prices up, $300.00 a weekend adds up fast.

as much as my husband obviously must have ADORED coming home to AMAZING me each weekend he could (ha!), he enjoyed his weekends up there, too. he always felt well-prepared for the upcoming week and since he's a fisherman (and a fly fisherman, at that!), he was like a pig in slop. he attended church up there and had fun exploring new shops and catching up on movie watching. and he surely loved it when the food people forgot about him and he was forced to eat cold cereal three meals a day. ;) on weekends when the only flight back got in after 5:00 p.m., he always felt a bit out of sorts because he didn't have as much time to gear up for "the only week i need to worry about."

from a spouse's standpoint, while i loved having him home, it was VERY stressful on our kids. it was honestly easier on them if he just stayed away, which made things difficult for all parties. our oldest daughter has been attached at her father's hip since birth (NOT an exaggeration, ha!) and really struggled with his absence. she regressed horribly and started having tons of problems. he obviously felt a lot of guilt about that and wanted to come home more frequently because of it, but that only alleviated HIS heart... when dad was gone sunday night, she fell apart again.

and, of course, if you pointed to the phone and asked what it was, our baby called it "daddy." funny, but sad, haha.

it's late and i'm rambling. all of it was worth it, though, when the oldest would tell people, "my daddy works a looooong time... because he get me a good job!" she missed him, but she "got" that there was a reason for it all. towards the end, when we were looking for homes, she put it all together and figured out why we were moving, "my daddy get me good job so daddy can get me good home!" what a cute kid. wonder who she takes after. ;)

[KingFrankSam]

Thanks for adding another viewpoint, Makakona. While there are some cadets that choose to stay at their "home away from home" for extended periods of time, most of them decide to return home every chance that they get. Even the cadets from San Diego and L.A. make the long trip home almost every weekend. Many of them car-pool, and use the time to decompress and to group study in the car for the 5-7 hour trip. I am sure that your husband will confirm that he was the exception to the rule, and was pretty much alone on the weekends that he stayed (except for his Sacramento girlfriend, of course... :biggrin: ).

[makakona]

out of the socal people in his class, he went HOME the most frequently. the other guys were single and just went wherever they wanted... home with roommates, to a hotel in the area, off the visit the bay area. and of his roommates who carpooled, there wasn't much studying going on in the car, haha. there was one guy who occasionally drove down to... temecula, maybe? but i don't think he did that too often.

[makakona]

to add... i will concede that a lot of it has to do with where everyone else is from. had there been a lot of sd cadets in my husband's class who were established in the area, he MAY have driven down, though i doubt it... twenty hours in a car isn't that practical when you are looking at a maximum of 54 hours off.

i just think it's best to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. going into it, we planned on monthly visits, so we were pleasantly surprised when we were able to see him twice a month and once it was three times in a five-week month! compared to the occasional spouse who fell apart when there was weekend restriction, we fared pretty well.

[Misschris1031]

Hey,

Thank you for all of the replies. I do agree, I am planning on the worst and hoping to be pleasantly surprised. I am just going to play it by ear and be as supportive as possible. I am not too worried about it nor do I want him to worry about me when he is gone. This is so important and it needs his full attention. I have my own career to worry about here in LA. I know that he will need a few weeks or so to adjust to the horrible schedule but then he will be dying to get out of there. I must say though, I do not advocate him getting in a car for a 12 hour drive when he has so little time off. Plus, it does not seem worth the risk. What happened if something went wrong? Flat tire, car brokedown and he was unable to get back on time. He could lose his place at the academy. It does not seem worth the risk to me. Better safe than sorry is what I say.

Having to deal with a spouse leaving when you have small children is very difficult. You are one tough lady. But, I think that it takes an especially strong, independent woman to be an LEO's partner. It is a big responsbilty for any partner to assume. You have to know the truth about life in and after the acadmey and ask yourself if you can handle it. Kudos to you for pulling through.

MC

[Erin]

My boyfriend is in the middle of week 8 of the academy & he just came home for the first time last weekend. It's a 5 hour drive for him to get home and after putting in a 12+ hour day, the last thing he wants to do is put in a lot of hours behind the wheel.
Also, we found out that it is actually harder for him to return to the academy from home than it is his brother's house where we sometimes meet. So, although there are a lot of pros to going home, it can be a double edged sword.

[Misschris1031]

Thanks for all of the replies. Thanks Erin for telling me a little of your viewpoint since my BF is probably right behind yours. I t makes me feel better to gain insight into all aspects of this and how everyone has handled it. Everyone is different. I try to have faith and not worry too much about the small stuff. The cadets need our support and courage and above all, our faith in them that they will succeed no matter what. Nothing in life is worth having that comes easy. It is only those things that you work the hardest for that are ever worth having. You have to earn it, to own it. I look forward to discussing more topics with everyone.... and more on this one too!! :smile:

Misschris

[makakona]

i think i've mentioned before that my husband's younger brother's best friend (did you follow?!) is ctc i-06? i just heard today that he has been commuting from sacramento to san diego every weekend with a fellow cadet... who commutes to EL CENTRO each weekend! holy cow!

[Erin]

Wow, I can't even imagine how much it costs in gas to do that! :shock:

[Misschris1031]

Hey Erin,

Just a little insight. Did your guy do a lot of physical training to prepare before he entered the academy? I am trying to find ways of being suggestive without sounding bossy. I already know what all of the armed forces guys are doing, I am interested to hear from others..

Thanks
C

[Erin]

He did train, but I think he realized that he should have done more. There are guidlines in that booklet they give them. I would just try to refer to that as much as possible. I was in the same boat as you.

[Misschris1031]

:lol: cool thanks... i just don't want to have to tell him " I told him so!" it's official, he is on his way!!

[G-Man]

I flew home to LA every weekend (except when I was restricted, twice). If you book your flights early enough with southwest, I have gotten flights for as little as 120.00 round trip. I say little because I have no kids, house payments, etc. I also paid as much as 250.00. But, every 8th flight is free so it kinda takes the burden off somewhat, especially for those lousy weekends with a saturday class.

I hope all works out. It is going to be hard, but he will be better for it.