You Know You're A Dispatcher When....

[PSDGirl]

· You answer your home phone "9-1-1, what is your emergency?" or “dispatch”

· You answer dispatch phone "hell" instead of "hello"

· You spend more on fast food than utilities

· You see nothing wrong with eating cake at 3 a.m.

· Dinner consist of a 2 liter bottle of soda and whatever you can scrounge out of the vending machine

· You have forgotten what it is like to actually eat a warm meal

· You think caffeine should be available in IV form

· You've had the urge to answer the phone by saying "Your local 411”

· Antacid tablets, or better known as dispatcher candy, become your regular dessert

· You have the bladder capacity of a tanker truck or of a small third world army

· The only thing that gets your adrenaline going is the walk to and from your car

· You consider patience a weakness, not a virtue

· You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday"

· You truly believe stupidity should be painful

· You get impatient listening to people relate a story - You want "just the facts"

· You believe that the "Q-word” will cause unspeakable evils to fall upon you

· You live in fear of a full moon

· Family members comment about how nice you "used" to be before you started this job

· You can carry on more than 4 conversations simultaneously

· You can resume a conversation with coworkers 4 hours later, mid-sentence and everyone understands

· You can relate a 10 minute story over a 2 hour time period, after many interruptions, without losing your place

· You believe 90% of people can't look up a telephone number

· Your response to the comment, "I pay your salary!" is “Well then I want a raise!”

· You can listen to someone screaming a vehicle description on 911, listen to the radio and run a 28 and 27/29 subject at the same time without missing anything

· You spell everything phonetically

· You can only tell time on a 24 hour clock

· You have spent time explaining to officers the difference between a dispatcher and a personal assistant

· You respond faster to the name "RADIO" than you do to your own name

· You find yourself talking to family and friends in codes

· You respond with “affirmative” when the drive thru repeats your order

· You acknowledge your friends and families remarks with the time and a frequency identifier

· THS SNTNC MKS PRFCT SNS

· You hear a cruiser going screaming past your house, and you wonder not what’s happening, but who’s going

[bcjack]

Soooooo true!!!!

Thank you to all of the Dispatchers that put up with sooo much c*** and still perform their duties flawlessly. You are all special people.

[PSDGirl]

Soooooo true!!!!

Thank you to all of the Dispatchers that put up with sooo much c*** and still perform their duties flawlessly. You are all special people.


Thanks BC! Likewise to you all as well! I know in my center the officers always make it a point to check in with us and give us a little of their time. If you all were not out there, there would be no need for our job so...Thanks!

[CitizenKane]

I once worked with a dispatcher that I really didn't like. Then that day came where I was screaming "11-99" into my microphone. What a pro at the other end! Calm, cool, and efficient doesn't do that man justice. I will always respect what you folks do, and how well you do it. And for the peanuts that the state pays you. You're simply the best.

[CHPWife]

You can be in a crowded restaurant and listen to the conversation on the other side of the room thru the buzz of everything else while still talking to your husband and playing tic-tack-toe with your child.

[PSDGirl]

I once worked with a dispatcher that I really didn't like. Then that day came where I was screaming "11-99" into my microphone. What a pro at the other end! Calm, cool, and efficient doesn't do that man justice. I will always respect what you folks do, and how well you do it. And for the peanuts that the state pays you. You're simply the best.

....and they're not even honey roasted! What a rip-off! :rolleyes:

[CHPWife]

when someone asks how fast you can type the answer is "I can keep up with a pursuit"

[LadyVol@330]

At the annual Employees Appreciation Day in our division, the dispatchers always get the most applause, hoots and hollers. Well deserved! The officers are really the ones who know just how much you put up with.

[cain.vanessa]

I've had many officers say hands down they have been in situation where hands down w/o their dispatchers on the other end of the radio they don't know where they would have been. Its like you don't realize what you have until its gone, except you don't realize what you have until you reallly need it. I feel everyone's job is important no one more than the other.

[slicktop575]

I have the habit that I run everything on my MDC, but when I ask for 28 and 27 over the air. She starts to roll an 11-85 after she asks for model and color and for P or 14602. One day I made her laugh. I asked for a 29 roller by vin, trying not to laugh myself. She said go ahead then paused. Long pause. 10-21 the radio. Good times.

[gabriel]

I have the habit that I run everything on my MDC, but when I ask for 28 and 27 over the air. She starts to roll an 11-85 after she asks for model and color and for P or 14602. One day I made her laugh. I asked for a 29 roller by vin, trying not to laugh myself. She said go ahead then paused. Long pause. 10-21 the radio. Good times.

lol nice

[PSDGirl]

I have the habit that I run everything on my MDC, but when I ask for 28 and 27 over the air. She starts to roll an 11-85 after she asks for model and color and for P or 14602. One day I made her laugh. I asked for a 29 roller by vin, trying not to laugh myself. She said go ahead then paused. Long pause. 10-21 the radio. Good times.

Thats a good one!

[5246MPD4now]

Someone asked me for a rolling plate once that confused the hell out of me.

Officer: Rolling 10-28
Me: Go ahead
Officer: California 5, Frank, Mary, OBSTRUCTED, 7 7 7
Me: ...........
Me (moments later): I think I need a complete plate to run it....
Officer: ....10-22

That was not a new phonetic for the letter 'O'. GOOD TIMES!

[Scoops]

I just want to say thanks to all the dispatchers for putting up with us new guys for totally destroying a 27/28 while on FTO...

[PSDGirl]

I just want to say thanks to all the dispatchers for putting up with us new guys for totally destroying a 27/28 while on FTO...

LOL! Sometimes that never goes away! We still have a couple officers that can make us say 'huh'?

It makes for a good laugh though!

[rs]

I just want to say thanks to all the dispatchers for putting up with us new guys for totally destroying a 27/28 while on FTO...

Dispatchers aren't the only ones that hear you bludgeoning the phonetic alphabet and brevity codes on the radio...

[PSDGirl]

Dispatchers aren't the only ones that hear you bludgeoning the phonetic alphabet and brevity codes on the radio...

True!

Us dispatchers have our share of blunders as well - I once tried to say 'henry-mary' and instead 'hairy-mary' came out! Thought I slipped away with it until I get the MDC message - 'did you say hairy-mary?'

Oops!

There are a few other slipped words, but those might be a post violation! :tape:

[cjincognito]

True!
There are a few other slipped words, but those might be a post violation! :tape:

I'd like a 11-27 on a last of Queen-Union-Edward, with a first of Paul-Henry-Union-Charles! I wanted to say it over the air, didn't have the guts. :lol: Btw, totally dig the avatar.

Disclaimer: The names have been changed to protect the ... innocent. Any similarities to real people mentioned in the aforementioned radio transmission are completely coincidental. Remember CLETS and Departmental policies prohibit "Hmmm, I wonder" inquiries.

[cain.vanessa]

I'd like a 11-27 on a last of Queen-Union-Edward, with a first of Paul-Henry-Union-Charles! I wanted to say it over the air, didn't have the guts. :lol: Btw, totally dig the avatar.

Disclaimer: The names have been changed to protect the ... innocent. Any similarities to real people mentioned in the aforementioned radio transmission are completely coincidental. Remember CLETS and Departmental policies prohibit "Hmmm, I wonder" inquiries.

That's good :lol:

[greenhorn]

Dispatchers aren't the only ones that hear you bludgeoning the phonetic alphabet and brevity codes on the radio...
LOL...Nice one!!

[MAN1987]

Yeah I have another one. You know you are a dispatcher (or police officer for that matter) if you sometimes want to use the closing codes Boy Sam... Im sure you can figure that out! lol:rolleyes:

[bcjack]

Almost caused a Dispatcher to have a stroke from laughing...

In our community, the vehicle maintenance facility is referred to as the "City Shop"...One day, I was on an Engine and was not really focused on what I was going to say on the radio and said..."Engine 1 is enroute to the Shi**y Shop for fuel and service"...It took a nano second for my cell phone to ring and for the Dispatcher to tell me what I said. I didn't believe her and so later I went to dispatch and she played the tape for me...As good old firehouse humor would have it, I still hear about it and that was 15 years ago...:popcorn:

[5246MPD4now]

One day we had a structure fire on a cul de sac and the first engine arrives on scene and as the second engine pulls up the Captain from the first engine tells the other Captain in the second engine to find a hydrant on the cross street because there appears to be no hydrant on the street. The second Captain says, "Um according to the map, there is a hydrant in front of where your engine is parked."
"..........Copy........"

I was quite amused

[Mac]

True!

Us dispatchers have our share of blunders as well - I once tried to say 'henry-mary' and instead 'hairy-mary' came out! Thought I slipped away with it until I get the MDC message - 'did you say hairy-mary?'

Oops!

There are a few other slipped words, but those might be a post violation! :tape:
Somebody sent me a .wav file of an allied agency dispatcher putting out an advisory to her units. It went something along the lines of "All units, information only, CHP is on scene of a multiple-vehicle t/c with ejaculations".

The air goes dead quiet, but of course one of her units isn't going to miss such a golden opportunity. He calls twice before getting an answer (the first response being a brief open mic with a gasp of laughter), then when acknowledged he says, "You were extremely low volume, could you please 10-9?". She responds "CHP is on scene of a multiple-vehicle t/c with E-JEC-TIONS...information only at this time".

[PSDGirl]

Somebody sent me a .wav file of an allied agency dispatcher putting out an advisory to her units. It went something along the lines of "All units, information only, CHP is on scene of a multiple-vehicle t/c with ejaculations".

The air goes dead quiet, but of course one of her units isn't going to miss such a golden opportunity. He calls twice before getting an answer (the first response being a brief open mic with a gasp of laughter), then when acknowledged he says, "You were extremely low volume, could you please 10-9?". She responds "CHP is on scene of a multiple-vehicle t/c with E-JEC-TIONS...information only at this time".

I heard that one.....you KNOW that girl will NEVER live that one down. She is know everywhere as 'the girl who said ejaculations over the air!'

[alexfarrington]

I was dispatched to a "rollover TC with a possible injection" one day, but that's not nearly as embarrassing as "ejaculation" -- though I'm sure everyone that heard took the high road and never mentioned it again. Ha.

[PTR-Jason]

I was working in Riverside the other day and Riverside PD dispatched out a call that went something like this.....

"Unit XXX"

"XXX"

"Unit XXX and XXX, respond to Magnolia and Jefferson for an area check... RP advising she was robbed by a male who then held her down and........... masturbated........ on her....happened about 30 ago"

There was dead silence the first officer to respond on the air was like ummmmmmmm coooopppppppyyyyyyyyyy.

Needless to say since it happened 30 minutes prior to calling the pd, suspect was long gone.

[PSDGirl]

I was working in Riverside the other day and Riverside PD dispatched out a call that went something like this.....

"Unit XXX"

"XXX"

"Unit XXX and XXX, respond to Magnolia and Jefferson for an area check... RP advising she was robbed by a male who then held her down and........... masturbated........ on her....happened about 30 ago"

There was dead silence the first officer to respond on the air was like ummmmmmmm coooopppppppyyyyyyyyyy.

Needless to say since it happened 30 minutes prior to calling the pd, suspect was long gone.

Too bad he was gone....what a sicko! Hopefully they'll get him next time!

[PapaBear]

For a short time in 1970 I had the occassion to work as an OIC in "Zone V" communications. I gained a lot of respect for all who worked there and maintain that respect to this very day.

In those days we had manual teletype systems, moving belts to each console and I monitored all LAPD and LASD channels when we first set up the link system. It took upwards of 30 minutes to get a 10-29 and, God forbid you should ask for a driver history. We used punch cards and scribbled notes on them or a piece of paper to maintain records for later. Pursuits were horrendous to keep a record of and the tapes we kept were of poor quality.

My daughter is a dispatcher for a local PD and knows exactly how I feel. Although, she has difficulty in accepting the archaic methods we had to endure. Thank goodness for computers. But, that does not seem to deter officers from complaining that a 27 or 29 is taking too long. Yeah, right!!!

Keep up the good work. An officer on the street is only as good as the dispatcher at the other end!

[PSDGirl]

Thanks PapaBear!

[Zenith1Y2K]

PapaBear - Thank you for the memories...I haven't posted here before, but your description of the communications center of the 70's, is where many of us started our careers. The radio cards, the teletype machine, the dial-up connection to the county switcher (one step ahead of Auto-Status) to run a 27/28/29, the manual typewriter, corded telephones, boom microphones, the radio tapes you mentioned, Thomas Guides, there was no 911, no CAD, no headsets, no breaks and no lunch! One can't buy that kind of experience! My best to those who continue to do the job today.