Should I read it too?

[Hezawrad]

I was wondering if it would be a good idea for me (a cadet wife) to read the SOP; is this something prior cadet wives highly recommend or would it just be excess information? I want to know more about what my husband is going through and maybe help him study on the weekends, or should I leave that all up to him?

[stunt362]

I read the SOP when my husband first when into the Academy.

It doesn't hurt to read it. You can help him to study and also know what he is being held responsible for. And some of the rules will relate to you as well.

[Broham]

There is something to be said for having a conversation with your loved one about something that has absolutely nothing to do with law enforcement when he gets home. Believe me, your cadet is being force-fed CHP 5 days a week. Spend your time developing somthing you can do together. My wife and I are into raquetball. Been married 14 years, and almost 9 of those years on the department. You know what I liked the most when I came home on Friday? A home cooked meal with my family. And my standing rule; NO CHP! We still have that meal to this day! Make sure he gets his work done, studies, and if he needs help give it to him. You are going to have the next 30 years to learn ALL about this department. Spend your time helping his time at home feel like time at home and not at the CHP academy.

[HIPCHIP]

If I remember correctly, the department has something like 24 manuals. I think you could spend your time having more fun than reading all the info the department has :lol:

[LovemyCADET08]

My wife and I are into raquetball. Been married 14 years, and almost 9 of those years on the department. You know what I liked the most when I came home on Friday? A home cooked meal with my family. And my standing rule; NO CHP! We still have that meal to this day! Make sure he gets his work done, studies, and if he needs help give it to him. You are going to have the next 30 years to learn ALL about this department. Spend your time helping his time at home feel like time at home and not at the CHP academy.

Congratulations on 14 years of marriage!!!! My parents are about six months shy of their 40th!

I am a social worker and I have to say I have the same rule, after a long day in the field, the only thing I want to do when I get home is spend quality time with my family playing games or going to the park and laughing. It keeps me sane and reminds me why I do what I do every day. I anticipated it being the same for him.....Helping him study is helping me to get to know the department better, so maybe that is the best advice...

[CHPWife]

Every officer and every family is different. I'm not sure which SOP you are refering to but....

I was a dispatcher for 6 years and quit when my 12 year old was born. My husband has been on 18 years. We talk about the CHP a lot. We talk about things and sometimes I play devils advocate. I have a copy of the MOU on my laptop and I read the APB.

I personally like understanding what is going on in the department and talking about his work. But, I have been around the CHP since 1989. Some officers don't want to talk about work and some wives don't want to know about it. Sometimes there is just nothing to talk about.

If it is something you are interested in and you can read it without getting in his way then go for it. I just would start asking a bunch of questions but be open for the discussions.

[salvaswede]

My wife loves hearing work stories. She always asks me what people say when I pull them over or what kind of shift we had today. I vent and share for about 15 minutes after I get home and after sharing the day with her I can now ease onto my Lazy Boy next to her...a large bowl of ice cream or something of the sort and spend time asking how her day was with the kids. I did the same thing when I came home from the academy. I think it is very important to share stuff with your wives/husbands, as long as you take the time to hear how their weeks/days have been.

14 years of marriage shows that good communication is healthy.

[Hezawrad]

thanks for the advice all....

after talking to him the last few nights i've decided yes, i'll read it for myself, but myself ONLY, not make it family/group discussion when he comes home...

there are afterall, some things that do pertain to family in it. but i agree with the general census that he will most likely just want to associate home with anything but CHP for the time being.

[Broham]

I'm definitely not saying don't talk about the job. It seems with the advent of the internet, forums, blogs and the like there is a thing out there that we don't think of too much now days; too much information. Make sure there is plenty of us time. When I say us, I am referring to you and your husband.

[Hezawrad]

:wink: gotcha

[OfficerWife]

I read the SOP when my hubby brought it home. The only reason I really read it was to help him study it so that he would pass that first test. As far as CHP talk...I am with CHPWife and I am interested in knowing what is happening in the department and love hearing about his day, that could be because it is all new to us though :wink:

[Sampa]

I guess when they come home they are excited and want to share, perhaps the wives, husbands, girlfriends, s/o, should give them the chance to start talking about their day/week/whatever, instead of being asked to...I know, I know. I don't have any experience dealing with a cadet, being that I'm the one that will be coming home from Academy (CTC-IV 08 hopeful) ....just think military...I have several girlfriends whose husbands are military and the rule number one when their boys come home is: "DON'T ASK', if they want to talk about it they will.
The cadets are as excited and overwhelmed as their families, they are coming home to do more work and to relax a bit...so far by my own experience I feel like I want to talk about everything that goes on more than my husband is willing to listen (I feel sorry for him sometimes!), and sometimes I don't want to talk about it at all...Hang in there everyone...only 26 more to go!!!!!:wink:

[LoveMyChippy]

While I didn't read any of the manuals/SOP's, the one thing I did do for my chippy was allowed him to practice his spanish, FST, and arrest techniques on me. I learned the spanish necessary during FST's and arrests so that he could practice performing FST's and making an arrest in spanish.

[mvasquez]

Hi,
I can say that for my husband it really helped him that I was involved. I would make note cards for him, help him study on the weekends, color his PT shirts with marker, and iron the cadet uniforms. I too had my own stuff to do, but I found that it took a lot of stress off of him, the more that I was able to help him. It really lets them know that you are supporting what they are doing. Just food for thought. :smile:

[iheartmycadet]

I really enjoy helping my cadet make cards, fix his shirts, study or whatever I can to help out because that gives me time I get to spend with him. He likes when I help out. I tell him every weekend to give me things to do that can take stress off of him because that gets me involved. I want him to know his stuff and I want to be able to spend time with him so what better way to do that but by helping him study, going over flash cards, codes or numbers with him. I LOVE IT! It's a lot of fun for me. :biggrin::biggrin: He's doing soo good. I am SOOO proud of him.

[DBEB03]

I've been helping my cadet out with his arresting techniques- got frisked this weekend- quite the experience :shock:!

While I didn't read any of the manuals/SOP's, the one thing I did do for my chippy was allowed him to practice his spanish, FST, and arrest techniques on me. I learned the spanish necessary during FST's and arrests so that he could practice performing FST's and making an arrest in spanish.

[LovemyCADET08]

I've been helping my cadet out with his arresting techniques- got frisked this weekend- quite the experience :shock:!

I didn't get frisked this weekend, I am totally bummed!:sad:

I have enjoyed helping my cadet with whatever he needs. Lately it is all about the vehicle codes! We all gather and instead of playing board games, we play "jeopardy with vehicle codes!" It is fun for the whole family! Now instead of chores and loss of priveleges for infractions (hee hee hee see we speak the language!), I spout off the penal codes for the real world if they chose to ignore the "instructions of authority." It is all kinds of parenting fun! :lol: He just looks at me, like "oh yeah mom, what's the code for not making the bed right?" Hmm, wonder if the SO's contract for the weekends????:think: I could use some help "motivating" them sometimes, especially with the "man of the house" not present! :lol:

We also make lots of cookies for him, since they are his favorite. I am a whiz at the military presses, so all he has to do is the touch up when he gets back. I am way more domesticated than I thought! :biggrin:

[DBEB03]

I didn't get frisked this weekend, I am totally bummed!:sad:

I have enjoyed helping my cadet with whatever he needs. Lately it is all about the vehicle codes! We all gather and instead of playing board games, we play "jeopardy with vehicle codes!" It is fun for the whole family! Now instead of chores and loss of priveleges for infractions (hee hee hee see we speak the language!), I spout off the penal codes for the real world if they chose to ignore the "instructions of authority." It is all kinds of parenting fun! :lol: He just looks at me, like "oh yeah mom, what's the code for not making the bed right?" Hmm, wonder if the SO's contract for the weekends????:think: I could use some help "motivating" them sometimes, especially with the "man of the house" not present! :lol:

We also make lots of cookies for him, since they are his favorite. I am a whiz at the military presses, so all he has to do is the touch up when he gets back. I am way more domesticated than I thought! :biggrin:

In reference to junk food, mine wants rootbeer floats, red-vines, choc.chip cookies, and peach cobbler every weekened. Man, can he put away the junk food :smile:! The kids are in heaven too 'cause they don't get it durring the week. My husband gives them "the talk" on the weekends to help motivate them, plus he makes sure to talk to them everynight before bed if he's able.

[Mom]

I didn't get frisked this weekend, I am totally bummed!:sad: Well, DBEB's cadet is about 13 weeks ahead of yours, so in a few more weeks, you will be learning arrest techniques. My son would come home and work with his brother. It was fun, to say the least....

[LovemyCADET08]

Aaahhh that makes sense....thanks for the clarification as always mom, what would we do without you:shock:!!!

[Broham]

Just don't let him try any handcuffing techniques in the bathroom... My wife had a nice shiner for a few weeks on a bent-wrist gone bad. The toilet ain't too forgiving!

Yes, that would be one of my most embarrasing moments on the job. My partner, to this day, says she got that shiner from me "handcuffing" her to the toilet. You can only imagine what else is implied when he tells that story!

[Mom]

Mom doesn't do handcuffing, and I figure son would be too soft. However, he had a great partner in his younger brother, who made sure he could handcuff even the most difficult "customer". Both were trained in grappling and locks, so while CHP son knew the locks, non-CHP son also knew the counters. (CHP son also knows the counters). Made for a few interesting evenings.....

[christeeny]

Just don't let him try any handcuffing techniques in the bathroom... My wife had a nice shiner for a few weeks on a bent-wrist gone bad. The toilet ain't too forgiving!

Yes, that would be one of my most embarrasing moments on the job. My partner, to this day, says she got that shiner from me "handcuffing" her to the toilet. You can only imagine what else is implied when he tells that story!

LOL! LOL!:lol: That is sooooooo funny!!!!! I'm still laughing....2 minutes later.

[Sampa]

Aaahhh that makes sense....thanks for the clarification as always mom, what would we do without you:shock:!!!

I have no idea....Mom is big help!!!:biggrin:

[G-Man]

I didn't get frisked this weekend, I am totally bummed!:sad:

Practicing frisking and searching was my wife's favorite part when she helped me study. She still wants to help me get ready for PMA re-cert's.:biggrin:

[jrsfan]

Practicing frisking and searching was my wife's favorite part when she helped me study. She still wants to help me get ready for PMA re-cert's.:biggrin:

Yeah, I still help my husband with his! :lol:

[_please_]

I would say it is up to you as an idividual. Some would say yes some would say why bother. But for me I looked through it here and there to help him study as someone else said. But for me I had no interest as to what he had to learn. It isnt MY job, ya know. But there are times when he talks to me and I have NO clue what the hell he is talking about and that is when I usually talk to my other chippy wives and they usually help to clear it up. I have started to look over most of his stuff because I want to be able to understand what he is talking about when he talks in code. haha

I mean I hear 10-15 A LOT! so I know what that is. but like I said it is kind of up to you if you want to. I would say if you want to learn something learn the codes!!!!!!:biggrin:

[CTCI08Wife]

Hi,
I can say that for my husband it really helped him that I was involved. I would make note cards for him, help him study on the weekends, color his PT shirts with marker, and iron the cadet uniforms. I too had my own stuff to do, but I found that it took a lot of stress off of him, the more that I was able to help him. It really lets them know that you are supporting what they are doing. Just food for thought. :smile:

ME TOO!!! I read the SOP, just so I would understand what he was going through. I made the note cards, did a ton of stinky laundry (I KNOW they had machines there... but he always claimed not to have time between PT Monday morning and liberty Friday night...), and pressed out every railroad track that he managed to put in during the week -I was so sick of that starch can after 27 weeks!!! They were so lucky to have us - I feel bad for the single guys who didn't have a wife waiting at home with a hot meal and open arms!:smile:

BTW, our husband was my husbands squad counselor... he really seemed to like him, and spoke highly of him. How is break-in going for him?

[CTCI08Wife]

I would say it is up to you as an idividual. Some would say yes some would say why bother. But for me I looked through it here and there to help him study as someone else said. But for me I had no interest as to what he had to learn. It isnt MY job, ya know. But there are times when he talks to me and I have NO clue what the hell he is talking about and that is when I usually talk to my other chippy wives and they usually help to clear it up. I have started to look over most of his stuff because I want to be able to understand what he is talking about when he talks in code. haha

I mean I hear 10-15 A LOT! so I know what that is. but like I said it is kind of up to you if you want to. I would say if you want to learn something learn the codes!!!!!!:biggrin:

I may be WAY out of line when I say this, but: It may not be your job, but your job IS to be supportive of him. You don't need to be interested to be supportive. I don't care who the Raiders are playing, but I know that come Sunday afternoon, if I want peace and harmony in the house - Hubby gets the remote!
I am SO PROUD to be an Officer's wife... I suffered through 27 weeks to get to this point, just like he did. When he joined the Family, so did I.
No one says you need to know what a 10851 VC is (vehicle theft, BTW), but when he comes home telling you he had a horrendous 11-80/11-44... you need to know what that means, because you may be in for a really tough night!
This is certainly not a one-sided thing, he is very supportive of me too (I work a stressful job as well). I just know first-hand what this job can do to you if you don't have a good support system (Dad is a 25+yr Chippie). He Needs You.

[makakona]

ME TOO!!! I read the SOP, just so I would understand what he was going through. I made the note cards, did a ton of stinky laundry (I KNOW they had machines there... but he always claimed not to have time between PT Monday morning and liberty Friday night...), and pressed out every railroad track that he managed to put in during the week -I was so sick of that starch can after 27 weeks!!! They were so lucky to have us - I feel bad for the single guys who didn't have a wife waiting at home with a hot meal and open arms!:smile:
i had open arms and good food, but that's about it! i never read the sop, never memorized 10-codes, never made flashcards, never ironed anything. i think we had an unspoken understanding that it was all just a part of his job? or maybe because he was prior military, he was just used to that kind of work being a part of his employment? and i was busy with the house and kids? honestly, it never even occurred to me to look at any of his classwork or to learn any of the stuff myself and i was shocked when i learned that another wife from his ctc had made flashcards so that she could learn the info herself. i still have to ask him what some codes mean, for example, when he's telling a story, but he was a nuclear engineer before the chp and i DEFINITELY never bothered to brush up on my nuclear physics! i guess now i know why my "good wife card" has been missing from my wallet... hmm... :wink:

[makakona]

I may be WAY out of line when I say this, but: It may not be your job, but your job IS to be supportive of him. You don't need to be interested to be supportive. I don't care who the Raiders are playing, but I know that come Sunday afternoon, if I want peace and harmony in the house - Hubby gets the remote!
I am SO PROUD to be an Officer's wife... I suffered through 27 weeks to get to this point, just like he did. When he joined the Family, so did I.
No one says you need to know what a 10851 VC is (vehicle theft, BTW), but when he comes home telling you he had a horrendous 11-80/11-44... you need to know what that means, because you may be in for a really tough night! I want to make sure he always has an outlet to de-stress, a shoulder to cry on, and a neutral ear to bitch into. That is what being part of This FAMILY means.:closed:
i don't think "please" was saying they wouldn't lend an ear when needed, but there are some people who just aren't that "into" their spouse's job. i'm kind of "eh" about a lot of it... i mean, obviously i am supportive and i definitely spend too much time on this message board, but we've always had distinct separation between his job and our life, starting back when he was in the military. i was never the type to wear my husband's military rate or rank or to put a "military wife" sticker on my car, just like he didn't wear t-shirts with his military department or things like that. that didn't mean we weren't proud of what he did and the great sacrifices he made, it just meant that our world didn't revolve around his job. it's hard to explain, i guess... i know that law enforcement mandates living a certain lifestyle, but i wouldn't be caught dead in a "chp wife" necklace. not because i'm not proud of him, but more because his job doesn't define who i am? i'm probably talking in circles and not making much sense... anyway, just wanted to voice that i could see where "please" was coming from and was actually glad that there was finally someone else who wouldn't excoriate me for my reluctance to wear some chp bling around my neck. :biggrin:

as for what you said about the raiders game... oh, man, that SO would not fly in our house, haha.

[jrsfan]

And I am kind of in between. There's some stuff I did, and some I didn't. I helped him study, by holding the book and quizzing him when he needed it. I know some 10 codes now, but I have to ask him or look them up most of the time. I did the regular laundry. But, iron and starch are not "JRSFAN" friendly tools. I think the key is to find the balance. Yes, you need to be able to have a nice neutral ear and support him. But you cannot make your life be all about the CHP all the time. You need other things to talk about with him, other activities to keep yourselves busy when you are together. It sounds like both of you are finding the balance that works for your individual families. Lord certainly knows we cannot all do things the same way, right?

Personal note, I totally get the remote thing! But he also knows when it's my turn! And where can I get one of those "good wife" cards of which you speak? Is there some sort of membership site or fee, like Costco? :biggrin:

[CTCI08Wife]

True, True. I know not everyone feels as strongly as I do. I actually edited my last statement, because it sounded harsher than I meant it to. I think it rubbed me the wrong way because (to me) it sounded like "please"s statement sounded a little flippant. It probably wasn't meant that way, and I just read too much into it. My bad:doh:

[CTCI08Wife]

And I am kind of in between. There's some stuff I did, and some I didn't. I helped him study, by holding the book and quizzing him when he needed it. I know some 10 codes now, but I have to ask him or look them up most of the time. I did the regular laundry. But, iron and starch are not "JRSFAN" friendly tools. I think the key is to find the balance. Yes, you need to be able to have a nice neutral ear and support him. But you cannot make your life be all about the CHP all the time. You need other things to talk about with him, other activities to keep yourselves busy when you are together. It sounds like both of you are finding the balance that works for your individual families. Lord certainly knows we cannot all do things the same way, right?

Personal note, I totally get the remote thing! But he also knows when it's my turn! And where can I get one of those "good wife" cards of which you speak? Is there some sort of membership site or fee, like Costco? :biggrin:

I agree. I need to work on verbalizing (blogging?) my thoughts better:redface:. Contrary to what my rantings may indicate :razz: CHP doesn't in fact reign supreme in our house. I ask my husband how his day went, both good and bad, and when he is done, we eat dinner and relax for the evening.

Football season is almost over right? :noidea:

[iheartmycadet]

Actually it just started, sorry! It wont be over until the super bowl which is around the first weekend in February. :confused::confused: Sorry! I like to sit next to my cadet and read or go online sometimes. I like to watch football though so I watch it a lot too.


I agree. I need to work on verbalizing (blogging?) my thoughts better:redface:. Contrary to what my rantings may indicate :razz: CHP doesn't in fact reign supreme in our house. I ask my husband how his day went, both good and bad, and when he is done, we eat dinner and relax for the evening.

Football season is almost over right? :noidea:

[I_love_him]

I may be WAY out of line when I say this, but: It may not be your job, but your job IS to be supportive of him. You don't need to be interested to be supportive. I don't care who the Raiders are playing, but I know that come Sunday afternoon, if I want peace and harmony in the house - Hubby gets the remote!
I am SO PROUD to be an Officer's wife... I suffered through 27 weeks to get to this point, just like he did. When he joined the Family, so did I.
No one says you need to know what a 10851 VC is (vehicle theft, BTW), but when he comes home telling you he had a horrendous 11-80/11-44... you need to know what that means, because you may be in for a really tough night!
This is certainly not a one-sided thing, he is very supportive of me too (I work a stressful job as well). I just know first-hand what this job can do to you if you don't have a good support system (Dad is a 25+yr Chippie). He Needs You.

Oh I wouldn’t say you’re out of line! I would say I agree with you. It isn’t our job to know EVERYTHING they do but it shows support when you WANT to understand what they are talking about. The first 5 years my husband was in it was pretty difficult to catch on to EVERYTHING but I would get his stuff and look it over and most of the time when I had a question because I didn’t understand something he would explain it because he knew I wanted to understand because it is such a big part of him.
It does help to try and understand and show you are supportive.

[CTCI08Wife]

Oh I wouldn’t say you’re out of line! I would say I agree with you. It isn’t our job to know EVERYTHING they do but it shows support when you WANT to understand what they are talking about. The first 5 years my husband was in it was pretty difficult to catch on to EVERYTHING but I would get his stuff and look it over and most of the time when I had a question because I didn’t understand something he would explain it because he knew I wanted to understand because it is such a big part of him.
It does help to try and understand and show you are supportive.

Thank you for saying so succinctly that which I was trying to say with my foot in my mouth. :doh: And for all the wives/so's of cadets/cadet hopefuls... I don't care how "against" you are to learning what he is learning... It is only a matter of time before something slips out of your mouth in 10-code!

[rayni]

i don't think "please" was saying they wouldn't lend an ear when needed, but there are some people who just aren't that "into" their spouse's job. i'm kind of "eh" about a lot of it... i mean, obviously i am supportive and i definitely spend too much time on this message board, but we've always had distinct separation between his job and our life, starting back when he was in the military. i was never the type to wear my husband's military rate or rank or to put a "military wife" sticker on my car, just like he didn't wear t-shirts with his military department or things like that. that didn't mean we weren't proud of what he did and the great sacrifices he made, it just meant that our world didn't revolve around his job.
not because i'm not proud of him, but more because his job doesn't define who i am? i'm probably talking in circles and not making much sense... . :biggrin:

.

This is how we are as well. It's not that his job defines us, but it's why I'm on this forum. I joined to meet other wives and share what I've learned works for us as a family up to this point of his career and learn from others w/ seniority what works for them. I never did the index cards or any of that while he was in the academy. Well............. except for the arrest techniques :wink: those were highly entertaining for the family. He had Rico's Pizza and 2 liter coke waiting for him every weekend he came home. (ahh those weekend craving motivating meals) It's just he shares what he shares or if he is acting particular pissy I'll fish for who peed in his coffee while on the job today.:lol: I don't know 10 codes to save my life and I know those that do. You find what works for your marriage/relationship and there's really no need to knock each other down for doing things differently. In the end as long as your cadet makes it to Grad day, off break in (extensions or no extensions), off probation, and home to you after every shift that's the only thing that matters. You must be doing something right if you can do all this together w/out a Domestic Violence call :lol:.

[Stargrl]

And I am kind of in between. There's some stuff I did, and some I didn't. I helped him study, by holding the book and quizzing him when he needed it. I know some 10 codes now, but I have to ask him or look them up most of the time. I did the regular laundry. But, iron and starch are not "JRSFAN" friendly tools. I think the key is to find the balance. Yes, you need to be able to have a nice neutral ear and support him. But you cannot make your life be all about the CHP all the time. You need other things to talk about with him, other activities to keep yourselves busy when you are together. It sounds like both of you are finding the balance that works for your individual families. Lord certainly knows we cannot all do things the same way, right?


Amen, sistah. We are all unique and beautiful snowflakes, and while JRSFan was not a fan of the starch and iron, Stargrl here had great fun figuring out how to get those cadet shirts looking nice and crispy on the weekends. Any 10 and 11 codes that I might have accidentally absorbed have fallen out of my head, however... other than 10-10 and 10-4 of course! But those were pre-CHP days. Some people find a lot of identity in their husband's jobs, while others like myself just continue to identify as an individual. It's all going to depend on what kind of relationship you have with your cadet/officer, just because they're going into the CHP doesn't mean your dynamic is going to change. Ya know, I still like to let my officer wear the pants in our family, especially with those sexy shirt stays and all! :shock: I'd say, don't feel obliged to keep up with anyone, just do what comes naturally to your relationship. Oh, and read "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement," it's a bit redundant but well worth your time.

[CTCI08Wife]

Ya know, I still like to let my officer wear the pants in our family, especially with those sexy shirt stays and all! :shock:

:lol: LOL... those things rubbed my husband's calfs bald during the Academy. I don't think it is fair that his legs were smoother than mine.... but hey, it sure beats shaving every day! :lol:

[jrsfan]

:lol: LOL... those things rubbed my husband's calfs bald during the Academy. I don't think it is fair that his legs were smoother than mine.... but hey, it sure beats shaving every day! :lol:


:lol: I have to agree on this one, too! And I second Stargrl on the book. It's a short but very informative read.