Avatar Photos

[dw]

I wanted to take a minute to remind the newer members here that for several reasons, you may not want to post personally identifiable pictures. You and your family are getting into Law Enforcement and privacy now becomes a ball game of safety. Best case scenario one of the Academy Staff Officers gives your Cadet a load of grief for an embarrassing photo. Worst case Joe Badguy recognizes you in Von's and follows you home.

This applies not only to CHPForums but anywhere on the Internet. You know, that MySpace page where you mention you're proud of your CHP Cadet. Or the Facebook profile that says for all to see, "Johnny Rae is... at the CHP Academy." Anonymous should be the name of the game from now on. We know you're proud of your Cadet and their accomplishments, just don't let that jeopardize your personal safety.

Please take my word for it, unfortunately the consequences are all too real. It's not worth it.

[christeeny]

Thanks for the words of wisdom....I should have thought about that. My pic is changed. :biggrin:

[rayni]

On this topic for EVERYONE who has a log in & has their personal email as another way of being contacted (versus just PM on this forum). You have just created a link to finding you on MYSPACE. I have even seen emails advertised in the public forum. That's how some have been "busted" on this forum. (think some guy here had a pic of himself in his avatar & his profile in myspace public w/ him in speeder car) There are some on here who even have their myspace as a direct link to be contacted as well. Worst yet your profile is public and for all to see your pics etc.......... That's not so good if it advertises you in illegal activities or questionable circumstances. Just some more food for thought.

[alenabeana]

Changed!:doh:

[dms]

That's not so good if it advertises you in illegal activities or questionable circumstances. Just some more food for thought.If they are participating, I'd prefer they advertise it & be dealt with rather than encouraging them to hide it!

[Broham]

Anonymous should be the name of the game from now on.

DW, I guess the PX is gonna be pretty mad at you, no more sales of the "KA4993" license plate frames........

[CHPWife]

DW, I guess the PX is gonna be pretty mad at you, no more sales of the "KA4993" license plate frames........
There's an idea for a new poll. How many officers with more than 5 years on would put a target, I mean KA 4993 plate frame on their vehicle?

[TheForceCHP]

There's an idea for a new poll. How many officers with more than 5 years on would put a target, I mean KA 4993 plate frame on their vehicle?

How many officers with one day on would... none

[Mac]

There's an idea for a new poll. How many officers with more than 5 years on would put a target, I mean KA 4993 plate frame on their vehicle?

*casts "NOT ME" vote*

Nor do I wear CHP ballcaps, t-shirts, windbreakers, or any other identifying regalia in public while off-duty.

To those of you who are new to the CHP family and/or to law enforcement in general - while we're proud of what we do and what we stand for, there are plenty of people in society who don't exactly share our pride, and aren't exactly what you'd call "pro-law enforcement". Identifying you, your spouse, your kids, your residence, your cars or anything else to the general public is not a good idea for safety reasons.

We're not talking about the staff office figuring out who dear hubby is and yelling at him because you posted something here on the board - we're talking about a parolee who got put away for ten years by a CHP Officer seeing your "KA4993" license plate frame, your CHP tank top and hubby's ball cap, and deciding that it's time for a little revenge for that ten years he spent in prison. Or a psycho who got a ticket for tinted windows seeing your 'winged wheel' CHP sticker on the car and taking his keys to your paintjob. Or the guy who got arrested for drunk driving and lost his job looking you up in the phone book to maybe pay hubby a little visit at home. Listed number? Thankyouverymuch for that information, I'll be right over!

This is a great career, but it's very different from many as far as privacy goes. As DW said, Anonymous should be the name of the game from now on. What's said amongst yourselves in PMs and e-mails is fine, but it's good to avoid posting too much public information here, on Myspace, in blogs, or anywhere else that's publicly accessible. It's pretty normal for new spouses (and new Officers) to be proud of their accomplishment and this exciting new career, but it's not a good idea to go around publicly advertising to anybody and everybody that hubby is a CHP Officer. It's a strange new world at first, but please take our word for it that anonymity is the best policy.

[Broham]

*casts "NOT ME" vote*

++++1

I work at the academy, and I am amazed at the "I work in law enforecement and look at me!" Gear. I sit in that God forsaken kiosk and watch license plate frames, stickers, personalized license plates and you can imagine what else drives by. From day one, I told my lovely wife that we would never, ever, display or pay homage to anything law-enforcement related. I thank God everyday she was wise enough to know realize I was right. We enjoy a great deal of anonymity in our neighborhood and I could only wish for the same for those of you are new to our family.

[Mac]

....From day one, I told my lovely wife that we would never, ever, display or pay homage to anything law-enforcement related. I thank God everyday she was wise enough to know realize I was right. We enjoy a great deal of anonymity in our neighborhood and I could only wish for the same for those of you are new to our family.
One of my classmates fought tooth and nail with his wife about having an unlisted phone number after they got settled in their new Area. She just couldn't imagine why somebody wouldn't want to be listed in the phone book! :doh: :hitwall:

I enjoy a great deal of anonymity in my neighborhood also, and do everything I can to keep it that way. Aside from the possible bad stuff mentioned before, I don't want people knocking on my door asking me to sign off their tickets, referee the neighbors' family fights, get rid of the car that's been parked up the street for three weeks, slow down the neighborhood speeders, etc.

[PapaBear]

There's an idea for a new poll. How many officers with more than 5 years on would put a target, I mean KA 4993 plate frame on their vehicle?

I have had them on my vehicles since they first came out in the late 70s. Never been hasseled. Also have my CAHP window stickers on my cars - again, never been a problem. I have too many things to do in my life and don't have the time to worry about some POS trying to make my life miserable.

Having been in the profession since the late 50s, I am known in my community, my profession is known, my kid is known, my house is known.

They know me at the pharmacy, the grocery store, the barber (well, I don't need one of those anymore), the coffee shops and dining houses in town, the post office, WalMart, Target, Nordstroms, Macy's, everywhere.

I used to bring my motorcycle home, a patrol car home, my undercover car, etc. I have made arrests within the neighborhood for felonies. Called the locals for other incidents and backed officers in my slippers.

It is not what or who you are, it is how you conduct yourself when you are out and about. I fully live with the words that are contained in my signature box at the bottom V V V V V V V V V V V Enjoy your life and think of the glass as half full!

[tmouse08]

My brother is a Border Patrol agent and he learned pretty quickly that wearing anything BP-related can be a hazard to your health. In fact, if he wears his uniform to work, he makes sure to wear a jacket or t-shirt over it while he's driving to avoid getting run off the road. Before he went to the BP Academy (over 10 years ago), he was wearing a BP hat and almost got killed by someone who tried to veer into his lane a few times. (Just a personal note to indicate that it can and does happen).

My husband and I have both agreed that it's probably best to keep any indicator of "law enforcement" off the car or ourselves. In fact... I'm going to change my avatar now to keep it totally anonymous... Thanks for the advice DW. :cool:

[Broham]

I have had an unfortunate incident involving a family member who told everyone what I did while at her child's birthday party. Let's just say not everyone likes law enforcement. Their mother (sister, uncle, niece, whoever) was framed and suddenly I have to help with the defense. I tried several times to let the person(s) know that I do not discuss other officers arrests with anyone, but some people just don't take a hint. Long story short, my sister and I had what I refer to as a "coming to Jesus meeting" afterwards. I haven't been back to her house since. PapaBear, I think things have changed a little since you were working the road. Thomas Steiner is a perfect example. We already have enough of a target with the "triangle of death" when we are in uniform. People used to like cops. The pendulum has swung the other way, big time

[Broham]

sorry about all the typos above. This thing wont let me fix them for some reason.

[LovemyCADET08]

I have to say I am finding this thread very interesting. While I do not allow the thoughts of psycho's to enter/affect our family home, I learned very quickly that when people make bad choices they don't like being called on it and they certainly don't like to be held accountable for them. While I choose to believe that all people want to live peaceful and happy lives, I know that reality is what it is and we have to live in reality with hope for tomorrow.

In order to protect my family I made sure we were always unlisted and I have a PO box for mail. While I know that those that want to find someone can, it is always good to take all the precautions you can. I do not anticipate any issues, as all the people that knew my honey was going to the academy (BI) were very happy for him and encouraged him saying CHP needs men like him to serve and protect, I also know the other side of this as well.

I can only encourage everyone to be careful and make the choices they need to make for their families. With the internet and a few "friends" in the right places, really it is all a false sense of security anyway. Just love on your men and women as often as possible and remember they are called to do what they do, we are all equipped to walk it out.

[iheartmycadet]

Amen to that.

Isn't it sad that our public and society is getting to the point where they can't even appreciate the good guys? It's so horrible and heartbreaking that we really have to hide and not bring attention to ourselves. We should be proud and even though we can't advertise or have conversations with people about our lives, we can still be very proud and let our cadets/officers know that we are. It means a lot.

[rayni]

If they are participating, I'd prefer they advertise it & be dealt with rather than encouraging them to hide it!

OK, if you got the impression that I was "encouraging" stupid people from hiding proof of their stupidity that's not what I do. That being said if you read into my post that way so may have others. I was making an example of what actually happen on this forum a while back w/ some dumba$$ who advertised his email. My primary focus and I should have clarified this, is it was so easy for someone to call this poster out on his contradiction w/ his post here on this forum and what he showed on his myspace all because of his email address. How easy would it be then, for someone to follow suit in trying to find links to a Officer or future Officers through his/her family using the same idea. I get wanting to have the Verified Chippies "deal" w/ the dumba$$es, but if we were taking a vote, I'd rather just discourage sharing emails etc........... across the board for the sake of those who are Officers or their families. I have had the pleasure of conversing w/ various wives and reading this forum for privacy ideas. Some insist on living X amount of miles from their office as to not live where you work and some who chose to live where they work. Both do what they feel works best for them. I like to try to find the happy medium between PAPA BEARS and others way of life. Everyone loves a Military man/woman (at least in our country) or a Firefighter , but Officers always get the $hit end of the stick. Some how my husband is the jerk for deterring you from harming yourself or others on the roads of California. WOW sorry did I just go on a tangent. Whew!! So what's the charge for my therapy sesssion?:lol:

[HD1]

I have had them on my vehicles since they first came out in the late 70s. Never been hasseled. Also have my CAHP window stickers on my cars - again, never been a problem. I have too many things to do in my life and don't have the time to worry about some POS trying to make my life miserable.

Having been in the profession since the late 50s, I am known in my community, my profession is known, my kid is known, my house is known.

They know me at the pharmacy, the grocery store, the barber (well, I don't need one of those anymore), the coffee shops and dining houses in town, the post office, WalMart, Target, Nordstroms, Macy's, everywhere.

I used to bring my motorcycle home, a patrol car home, my undercover car, etc. I have made arrests within the neighborhood for felonies. Called the locals for other incidents and backed officers in my slippers.

It is not what or who you are, it is how you conduct yourself when you are out and about. I fully live with the words that are contained in my signature box at the bottom V V V V V V V V V V V Enjoy your life and think of the glass as half full!

+1

I too agree with you P.Bear. I don't know where some people live. My neighbors know what I do, and they respect L.E. They respect my privacy as well. I have nver been asked to stop a domestic dispute, sign off a cite, or anthing of the sort. I would glady help a neigbor if needed. If anything my neighbors look out for our home. They pray for my safety. They ask how my night went. We all look out for one another. My wife has a KA4993 frame on the car, but I'm not loking over my shoulder everwhere I go. For just a few bucks, I could get anyones full info on the internet and go and meet them if I really wanted to settle the score...so I don't think a license plate frame is going to tell all. Now don't get me wrong, there isn't a billboard outside of my home telling what I do. I don't go around with a uniform on daily..er except when I'm working of course. I think we are very well trained individuals. I think we are the cream of the crop!The cream always rises to the top! If I'm asked...yep you bet I'm a Chippy..and proud of it. Bring it on! I'm a well trained, educated one at that! I don't live in a hole with the shades drawn...Now I know that everyone doesn't like L.E. , but then again everyone doesn't like dentists either...that doesn't make them hide. If anything when I coach a little league team, I am asked what I do..from the parents of course..I think they are releaved to know what I stand for and their kids are safe with me......OK OK off the tide box!

[Broham]

First of all, I will ALWAYS help a neighbor or friend (or anyone for that matter) in need of my services. There are a select few of my close neighbors who know what I do for a living. That being said, I have asked them not to broadcast that particular piece of information to any other, unless they have explicit permission from me.

I'm glad you in an area that favors law enforcement. But, having traveled most of sunny California the past year with my current assignment, I'm glad I choose anonymity.

[christeeny]

I have to say I am finding this thread very interesting. While I do not allow the thoughts of psycho's to enter/affect our family home, I learned very quickly that when people make bad choices they don't like being called on it and they certainly don't like to be held accountable for them. While I choose to believe that all people want to live peaceful and happy lives, I know that reality is what it is and we have to live in reality with hope for tomorrow.

In order to protect my family I made sure we were always unlisted and I have a PO box for mail. While I know that those that want to find someone can, it is always good to take all the precautions you can. I do not anticipate any issues, as all the people that knew my honey was going to the academy (BI) were very happy for him and encouraged him saying CHP needs men like him to serve and protect, I also know the other side of this as well.

I can only encourage everyone to be careful and make the choices they need to make for their families. With the internet and a few "friends" in the right places, really it is all a false sense of security anyway. Just love on your men and women as often as possible and remember they are called to do what they do, we are all equipped to walk it out.

I definitely understand, first hand, how people do not like to be held accountable for their actions. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. One time I reported, the mother threatened me and said that I better watch myself while I was on after school duty because she was going to kick my butt. Instead of taking responsibility and getting help for herself, she blamed me. Her poor child.... she never did anything to me, but boy that was a tough year.
With that said, I can imagine how officers are blamed. We live in a time where many people make up their own rules (again, being a teacher- I've seen a lot of that). We DO need to be careful, but at the same time, I can't help but hope for the good in people. Lovemycadet08- you couldn't have said it any better. :smile:

[iheartmycadet]

It's pretty sad that people can't take responsibility for their actions and stop blaming others. We all now have to pay for that. We have to kind of live secret lives and that really makes me sad. I am proud of what my boyfriend is doing and what all the other L.E. agencies do as well and it sucks that we can't support them verbally to most people in normal conversation or physically (cars, clothing, stickers or a lot of things). I would love to show more support out in the public and not feel like I have to hide our lifestyle. It sucks but hopefully someday it will change and L.E. will be respected a lot more than they are today.

[christeeny]

It's pretty sad that people can't take responsibility for their actions and stop blaming others. We all now have to pay for that. We have to kind of live secret lives and that really makes me sad. I am proud of what my boyfriend is doing and what all the other L.E. agencies do as well and it sucks that we can't support them verbally to most people in normal conversation or physically (cars, clothing, stickers or a lot of things). I would love to show more support out in the public and not feel like I have to hide our lifestyle. It sucks but hopefully someday it will change and L.E. will be respected a lot more than they are today.

I feel the same way. I am super proud!!!! I want to tell everybody, but after reading what people have to say on this forum, I'm realizing that not everybody loves our law enforcement officers like we do. We just need to be selective. My husband told me that it is important to CHP to develop positive relationships with the community- hopefully that will help change things. It begins with an awareness- then to education. Every year our school has a community day where officers and other community service people come and talk about what they do. My students LOVE officers....perhaps as our youth gets older, they will remember the cool experiences they had with law enforcement officers. Actually, when a CHP officer came to my classroom, he brought stickers, pencils, and a coloring book for all my students. After that, half my class wanted to become CHP officers when they get older. :) So cute.

[iheartmycadet]

That is really awesome to hear that you envolve the children you teach. They should grow up learning that CHP and L.E. are here to help out. :cry::cry:

[christeeny]

Thanks. :biggrin: I firmly believe that schooling shouldn't just be about academics, we need to teach kids about character excellence, good citizenship, and all those lifelong skills that will make them good people. It all boils down to respect for others. That's why when my husband decided to get involved with CHP, I was happy. I know CHP stands for all those things. Our cadets started off with these qualities, but as they continue on with the academy and then their careers with CHP, those qualities will only be amplified! :biggrin: Can you tell I'm a proud cadet wife? LOL :wink:

[iheartmycadet]

Oh yea! GO YOU! I am totally a PROUD Girlfriend. I can't even believe the transformation my cadet has gone through already. He is amazing and I couldn't be more happy to call myself his girlfriend. I am so lucky. We all are. CONGRATS!

[LovemyCADET08]

Lovemycadet08- you couldn't have said it any better. :smile:[/quote]

Aww thanks....:biggrin:

[Broham]

http://www.chpforums.com/forum/showthread.php?p=59591#post59591

Hmmmmmm.....

[IrishJoe]

Everyone loves a Military man/woman (at least in our country)


LOL I dunno about everyone.... I've been cussed at, flipped off and called baby killer while in (US Army) uniform, and I've only been in the service for the last six years! Guess there are dirtbags everywhere...

[MW]

Closer to home...........

Officer Thomas Joel Steiner, California Highway Patrol (http://www.odmp.org/officer/17288-officer-thomas-joel-steiner)

[iheartmycadet]

I don't mean to be a debby downer but could we all try to look at the bright side of this job instead of the side we all hope to never see. I know it happens and I cry about it a lot because NO FAMILY should ever have to go through something like that but let's try to look at the positive side of things. Especially because we are all new to this job and lifestyle.

Closer to home...........

Officer Thomas Joel Steiner, California Highway Patrol (http://www.odmp.org/officer/17288-officer-thomas-joel-steiner)

[Broham]

I don't mean to be a debby downer but could we all try to look at the bright side of this job instead of the side we all hope to never see. I know it happens and I cry about it a lot because NO FAMILY should ever have to go through something like that but let's try to look at the positive side of things. Especially because we are all new to this job and lifestyle.

I hear ya, and believe it or not, I totally agree about looking at the bright side of this job. I just want you to minimize your exposure and I want everyone to be safe!

[iheartmycadet]

Well thank you. It's much appreciated but I would like to stay away from that side. I just looked at the Newhall Incident the other day and I NEVER want to look at that again. I never heard about it and someone told me, It's too much. That's all I was saying. I can't think about that. I want to be the supportive girlfriend/wife rather than the crazy, worry all day and night girlfriend/wife.

But again, Thanks!

I hear ya, and believe it or not, I totally agree about looking at the bright side of this job. I just want you to minimize your exposure and I want everyone to be safe!

[Broham]

And you ARE supportive. But if he asks you to either do something or not do something, you now understand why. Being on here and talking to others that have chosen the same career path will help out more than you can imagine.

[iheartmycadet]

Totally and I appreicate your help. Thank you!

And you ARE supportive. But if he asks you to either do something or not do something, you now understand why. Being on here and talking to others that have chosen the same career path will help out more than you can imagine.

[dw]

I don't mean to be a debby downer but could we all try to look at the bright side of this job instead of the side we all hope to never see.The problem is that you will see the negative side of the job. It may not happen to your family directly, but the reality is that it will happen to someone you know and it will affect your family.

I'm all for looking at the positive side of things, but I'm also a realist. To not take reasonable precautions because you hope something won't happen is just poor judgment.

Being mentally prepared in advance can help you to cope with things when something negative does happen.

[Broham]

Dee-dub, you rock. I think you should run fer presydent!!!!!

[MW]

Sorry not meant to be a be a downer, just realistic. Yes, this sadness will unfortunately come soon enough. It will happen. I wish I could say different, but that would be a lie. I hope to never hear of it again.

Just be proud your cadet, son, daughter, s/o, husband has chosen a warrior path.... That he chosen the path of the sheepdog and not the sheep. Support him in that.

Ok, I'll pep back up now....

Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently:

On Sheep, Wolves (http://www.killology.com/sheep_dog.htm)

[Mom]

MW, EXCELLENT article. Everyone should read that.

[iheartmycadet]

Well I am sorry that I can't look at the negetive side of this job a lot. I know that something will affect our family someday and I will be ready when the time comes. I'm not saying that I wont cry or be sad on my own time or that I wont learn how to deal with the pain in a good way but I don't want to have to go there now if I don't have to. I am very honored and proud of my cadet for being apart of this wonderful organization. I am proud to be apart of it now too. I don't want to think about it because I don't want to worry EVERYDAY that my cadet (will be officer) might die today or the next day. You can't live like that. Take one day at a time and hope that it will end the way you want everyday and that he comes home safe. I know it COULD very well happen to my officer or someone we know but i don't WANT to think about it now. I have already gone there and thought about it and cried and been sad but I can't go there anymore. If I thought about it everyday or even once a month, it would be too much for me to handle. As a girlfriend future wife of an officer, I can't be scared, I have to be strong.

As for DW, I'm not trying to be rude at all. I am just saying that I love my cadet more than anything and to think negative all the time isn't worth it. Also, I could die just as easily walking down the street (hit by a car), getting gas (shot), driving in my car (accident) or anything. Anyone can die any day but you can't let that scare you and keep you from living your life. That's all I mean. Thanks for trying to help though

[LovemyCADET08]

The problem is that you will see the negative side of the job. It may not happen to your family directly, but the reality is that it will happen to someone you know and it will affect your family.

I'm all for looking at the positive side of things, but I'm also a realist. To not take reasonable precautions because you hope something won't happen is just poor judgment.

Being mentally prepared in advance can help you to cope with things when something negative does happen.


I agree, that preparing for certain life events is important later if/when you have to deal with an unfortunate incident.

I think the best way I can put is, when I was pregnant I had to fill out powers of attorney, my will, etc. prior to giving birth. Now, I would love to say I was not an emotional pregnant female, :redface: but I would be lying. Having to do all that while I was so excited about the life that was inside me, and the possibility that in the "natural process" of getting that life out of my body and into the world could cost me my life, FREAKED ME OUT! [must have missed that part in health class:doh:] I had to process it and understand that part of good parenting began the minute I knew I was pregnant and I started to protect that child through lifestyle choices (like eating right, getting enough sleep, excercising) etc. It also meant that I had to make sure he was taken care of if something happened to me, which is not something I ever thought about before (I come from the invincible gene family:hitwall:). It was NOT something I wanted to even think about or consider and I began to make deals with God, "ok, just keep me around until he is 18 and then you can do what you want with me." Which after I started parenting, I changed to "Ok God, just keep me around to defend myself to his therapist for all the mistakes I made!" sorry I digress....

I think this process is similar, in that, I know there are inherent risks to this career choice. I also know there are incredible benefits too (being able to affect people in a positive way and having an incredibley happy and satisfied hubby is HUGE) that I can focus on instead of the risks. So in order to keep a clear (and sane) head, it is my responsibility as an S/O to acknowledge the possiblity, choose to see it as a gift everyday, and take the actions (life insurance, current will, etc) that ensure that IF something happens, our family is cared for (which is what my S/O wants, I have yet to meet a Chippie that is not a dedicated family person!). It will also help me if I need to help someone else walk through this process. I have walked through some really hard things and grief is the hardest thing to walk through and EVERY situation is different. You are never going to be fully prepared, but it is MUCH harder if you don't have the basics in place.

This does not mean I obsess about every little thing, it does not mean I keep these worries in the forefront of my mind, but it means I take care of what I need to and understand that I never get to be "fully" dependent on my spouse. We are a team and we both need to be strong and support each other always. It also does not mean that I don't allow my self a pity party every once in awhile because I don't ever really get to be completly "comfortable" in knowing he will be there always, I hope so, but I too understand reality is what it is. I get what I get and I don't throw a fit, as my son would say!


Disembarking from soap box now....

[iheartmycadet]

I agree with you!


I agree, that preparing for certain life events is important later if/when you have to deal with an unfortunate incident.

I think the best way I can put is, when I was pregnant I had to fill out powers of attorney, my will, etc. prior to giving birth. Now, I would love to say I was not an emotional pregnant female, :redface: but I would be lying. Having to do all that while I was so excited about the life that was inside me, and the possibility that in the "natural process" of getting that life out of my body and into the world could cost me my life, FREAKED ME OUT! [must have missed that part in health class:doh:] I had to process it and understand that part of good parenting began the minute I knew I was pregnant and I started to protect that child through lifestyle choices (like eating right, getting enough sleep, excercising) etc. It also meant that I had to make sure he was taken care of if something happened to me, which is not something I ever thought about before (I come from the invincible gene family:hitwall:). It was NOT something I wanted to even think about or consider and I began to make deals with God, "ok, just keep me around until he is 18 and then you can do what you want with me." Which after I started parenting, I changed to "Ok God, just keep me around to defend myself to his therapist for all the mistakes I made!" sorry I digress....

I think this process is similar, in that, I know there are inherent risks to this career choice. I also know there are incredible benefits too (being able to affect people in a positive way and having an incredibley happy and satisfied hubby is HUGE) that I can focus on instead of the risks. So in order to keep a clear (and sane) head, it is my responsibility as an S/O to acknowledge the possiblity, choose to see it as a gift everyday, and take the actions (life insurance, current will, etc) that ensure that IF something happens, our family is cared for (which is what my S/O wants, I have yet to meet a Chippie that is not a dedicated family person!). It will also help me if I need to help someone else walk through this process. I have walked through some really hard things and grief is the hardest thing to walk through and EVERY situation is different. You are never going to be fully prepared, but it is MUCH harder if you don't have the basics in place.

This does not mean I obsess about every little thing, it does not mean I keep these worries in the forefront of my mind, but it means I take care of what I need to and understand that I never get to be "fully" dependent on my spouse. We are a team and we both need to be strong and support each other always. It also does not mean that I don't allow my self a pity party every once in awhile because I don't ever really get to be completly "comfortable" in knowing he will be there always, I hope so, but I too understand reality is what it is. I get what I get and I don't throw a fit, as my son would say!


Disembarking from soap box now....

[CHPWife]

Iheartmycadet,

It sounds like you are really having trouble dealing with the possibilities of the "down sides" of the job. We don't dwell on it by any means but you need to be aware and accept it. And not wanting to hear about it or read about it is not accepting it. If reading about an incident will make you live in fear every day this might not be the life for you.

This is the everyday reality of the job. If it too much for you then you and your cadet should have some serious talks. This is not just a job, it is a lifestyle for the whole family.

Someone said "to be forewarned is to be forearmed". Burying your head in the sand will not help you to be prepared. You HAVE TO know and understand the realities. You should be reading more not less. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. You can't protect yourself from a threat you don't know or understand.

[cain.vanessa]

Iheartmycadet,

It sounds like you are really having trouble dealing with the possibilities of the "down sides" of the job. We don't dwell on it by any means but you need to be aware and accept it. And not wanting to hear about it or read about it is not accepting it. If reading about an incident will make you live in fear every day this might not be the life for you.

This is the everyday reality of the job. If it too much for you then you and your cadet should have some serious talks. This is not just a job, it is a lifestyle for the whole family.

Someone said "to be forewarned is to be forearmed". Burying your head in the sand will not help you to be prepared. You HAVE TO know and understand the realities. You should be reading more not less. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. You can't protect yourself from a threat you don't know or understand.


+1.
My family is fully aware of the possibilities that may occur in the line of duty. My dad being a sheriff has also helped soften the blow for them. Knowledge is definitely power. And I think the more you know the more you can relate to your husband/boyfriend when something does happen. Avoiding it doesn't make it disappear, all it will do is blindside you. And when something happens you wont know how to react to it. Just my.02 as a cadet hopeful. I encourage my family to learn about the department and learn about the difference from what my dad does and what I will be doing.

[sm1015]

Sorry not meant to be a be a downer, just realistic. Yes, this sadness will unfortunately come soon enough. It will happen. I wish I could say different, but that would be a lie. I hope to never hear of it again.

Just be proud your cadet, son, daughter, s/o, husband has chosen a warrior path.... That he chosen the path of the sheepdog and not the sheep. Support him in that.

Ok, I'll pep back up now....

Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently:

On Sheep, Wolves (http://www.killology.com/sheep_dog.htm)

Thank you so much for posting that article! I will definately be saving it for my cadet. It is a must read for everyone.

Iheartmycadet,

It sounds like you are really having trouble dealing with the possibilities of the "down sides" of the job. We don't dwell on it by any means but you need to be aware and accept it. And not wanting to hear about it or read about it is not accepting it. If reading about an incident will make you live in fear every day this might not be the life for you.

This is the everyday reality of the job. If it too much for you then you and your cadet should have some serious talks. This is not just a job, it is a lifestyle for the whole family.

Someone said "to be forewarned is to be forearmed". Burying your head in the sand will not help you to be prepared. You HAVE TO know and understand the realities. You should be reading more not less. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. You can't protect yourself from a threat you don't know or understand.

+1. I understand the "down sides" to my cadet's choice in career and lifestyle. I wouldn't be able to support him fully if I didn't. I can see why someone would not want to dwell on the negative here, and I don't either. I just accept the possibilities and move on, live life to the fullest- no one can ever no when a downside might occur.

Iheartmycadet: have you read the article posted by MW? It actually made me feel a lot better about my cadet becoming the sheepdog. :wink:

[Broham]

There have been many valid points made with this thread. We all need to take a look at the dark side of this job and be prepared for the worst. But this thread was started for another reason; minimizing risk. That is what is most important in a LEO's career. Knowing when I look in the mirror at the start of a shift, adjusting my Sam Browne, making sure all my brass is shined, I know that I am going home to my wife and children this evening. Taking that extra 30 seconds and making sure there is a round in the chamber, checking the trunk and making sure there are ample flares and completing the vehicle check, visualizing scenarios and having a plan for just about everything that could happen, even if it seems far-fetched.
These are things most Officers do, day in, and day out, without really thinking of it. Minimizing risk. We all need to take a look at everything we do, both at work and at home and minimize our risk. If that means not broadcasting my affiliation with law enforcement, so be it. If my neighbor does not know what I do for a living, oh well. I know that I will be there if he or she needs me. And after, I will go back to being the same guy I was before-a good neighbor with no affiliations to law enforcement.

[christeeny]

+1.
My family is fully aware of the possibilities that may occur in the line of duty. My dad being a sheriff has also helped soften the blow for them. Knowledge is definitely power. And I think the more you know the more you can relate to your husband/boyfriend when something does happen. Avoiding it doesn't make it disappear, all it will do is blindside you. And when something happens you wont know how to react to it. Just my.02 as a cadet hopeful. I encourage my family to learn about the department and learn about the difference from what my dad does and what I will be doing.

There are definite risks involved with this job. My uncle is a retired sheriff and had to retire because of an incident that left him seriously hurt.:cry: I have to admit that it scares me to think about anything happening to my hubby, but I also know that it comes with the territory. For me, having faith in God helps me have peace....I don't want to worry and think about the worst. Am I prepared for what CAN happen? As much as I can be, but I'm definitely not going to focus on that. Any of us can go at anytime. I must say though, having a family member who was in law enforcement helps. :smile:

[rayni]

Iheartmycadet,

It sounds like you are really having trouble dealing with the possibilities of the "down sides" of the job. We don't dwell on it by any means but you need to be aware and accept it. And not wanting to hear about it or read about it is not accepting it. If reading about an incident will make you live in fear every day this might not be the life for you.

This is the everyday reality of the job. If it too much for you then you and your cadet should have some serious talks. This is not just a job, it is a lifestyle for the whole family.

Someone said "to be forewarned is to be forearmed". Burying your head in the sand will not help you to be prepared. You HAVE TO know and understand the realities. You should be reading more not less. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. You can't protect yourself from a threat you don't know or understand.

doing exactly this , but perhaps not expressing it as clear as this. Meaning I read into her last post and saw her points. She is aware, but just doesn't want the flow of what ifs to be a constant in her head.

For us we talked constantly w/ our children and eachother about the dangers of the job. How some won't like you or some parents may not want their kids to come over our house etc........ That not everyone likes Officers and while we think this is STUPID we have to be aware that they may want to hurt daddy or us. All the talking in the world didn't show what our children's emotions would be the first time they saw him get ready for Cadet ride along weekend. We have 3 sons and a daughter (in that order who at the time were 6, 7, 9, & 11). Daddy came out to the living room w/ just his bullet proof vest on (and pants too :wink:) and the kids asked him what was he wearing? Dad explained it was a bullet proof vest and WHAM our 9yr old was hit w/ the reality of what daddy will be doing for a living. Why does he have to wear it Mom? I tried to get him to remember our previous talks and he said " you mean some one REALLY might try to shoot Daddy?" DOWN CAME THE TEARS and the biggest, hardest, and wettest (he's face was streaming w/ tears) hug my 9yr old has EVER given his father.

Point of my ramble is what I heart said she is aware of the dangers , but would rather deal w/ them as they come. I TOTALLY GET THAT, but then just by pass this thread because the whole point of this thread is awareness and taking precautions to linking your self to the DARKSIDE.

I agree w/ Broham this has been a GREAT thread. If anything spouse/s.o of cadets you have this forum to come to and ask questions whether by PM or in public view w/ REAL OFFICERS standing by haha or their spouses/s.o.

I found the grad week Spousal panel to be helpful w/ my concerns about guns in the house and etc........ The Officer or Sgt. (my apologies I really can't remember his rank right now too much sun for me today) was also VERY thorough about the precautions he takes when being in public w/ his family and etc...........

I feel this whole first year (it's almost October right??) has been about tweaking A LOT of advice we have received and doing what works for us. I don't walk around freaking out that he went to work, but I do watch him leave to work and look up at the sky asking " God please take care of my husband, his partner, and all the officers tonight so they can come home to their families AMEN" After that I HONESTLY don't have another thought about what might happen to him unless he calls me at some whacked out hour (2am ish) to ask me something not LE related. My heart skips a beat when the home phone rings, then I hear him ask the question and he gets a little of this :evil: and then I love ya babe see you after work.

[iheartmycadet]

WOW, ok. Let me just say that I am in this because I want to be. I don't worry that I can't handle it. I have already thought about the bad things that can happen and the "down sides" to the job. I've thought a lot about it before he made his decision to become a CHP officer but now that he's doing it and going to make it through, it's no time to think about the "down side". For me as a girlfriend, I think I should be there for my cadet (officer), listen to his venting after he' has a bad day, comforting him, enjoying his company when I can, spending as much time with him as I can when I get time and etc. I think about the bad stuff every once and a while but now that I have already gone through the tough days thinking about it before the academy, I don't need to now. I know that my cadet wouldn't want me to be thinking about it everyday or every chance I see him. I have to be strong and not think that way a lot, just like him. I don't expect him to think about the "down side" of this great job everyday. He wouldn't be cut out for the job if he did just as I wouldn't be cut out for the girlfriend(wife) part of this job either. But I can tell you right now that I am 150%. Bring it on!

Iheartmycadet,

It sounds like you are really having trouble dealing with the possibilities of the "down sides" of the job. We don't dwell on it by any means but you need to be aware and accept it. And not wanting to hear about it or read about it is not accepting it. If reading about an incident will make you live in fear every day this might not be the life for you.

This is the everyday reality of the job. If it too much for you then you and your cadet should have some serious talks. This is not just a job, it is a lifestyle for the whole family.

Someone said "to be forewarned is to be forearmed". Burying your head in the sand will not help you to be prepared. You HAVE TO know and understand the realities. You should be reading more not less. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. You can't protect yourself from a threat you don't know or understand.

[iheartmycadet]

Thank you very much for that statement. I fully agree with what you said about acceptance and moving on. I have and that is where I am now. Who knows when a down side wil occur but when it does, I will be as ready as I can be. No one is ever ready for a "down side" when it happens. You just have to work through the situation when it happens.

I have and it makes me feel better as well.

Thank you so much for posting that article! I will definately be saving it for my cadet. It is a must read for everyone.



+1. I understand the "down sides" to my cadet's choice in career and lifestyle. I wouldn't be able to support him fully if I didn't. I can see why someone would not want to dwell on the negative here, and I don't either. I just accept the possibilities and move on, live life to the fullest- no one can ever no when a downside might occur.

Iheartmycadet: have you read the article posted by MW? It actually made me feel a lot better about my cadet becoming the sheepdog. :wink:

[iheartmycadet]

Well said! Thank you! :biggrin::biggrin:

I agree with you 100%.

There have been many valid points made with this thread. We all need to take a look at the dark side of this job and be prepared for the worst. But this thread was started for another reason; minimizing risk. That is what is most important in a LEO's career. Knowing when I look in the mirror at the start of a shift, adjusting my Sam Browne, making sure all my brass is shined, I know that I am going home to my wife and children this evening. Taking that extra 30 seconds and making sure there is a round in the chamber, checking the trunk and making sure there are ample flares and completing the vehicle check, visualizing scenarios and having a plan for just about everything that could happen, even if it seems far-fetched.
These are things most Officers do, day in, and day out, without really thinking of it. Minimizing risk. We all need to take a look at everything we do, both at work and at home and minimize our risk. If that means not broadcasting my affiliation with law enforcement, so be it. If my neighbor does not know what I do for a living, oh well. I know that I will be there if he or she needs me. And after, I will go back to being the same guy I was before-a good neighbor with no affiliations to law enforcement.

[iheartmycadet]

Thank you! :biggrin::biggrin:

I have a family member that is in LE as well and has been for a long time. I don't think about what could happen to him when he's out on the field but I know what COULD. It's something you can't think about everyday that your officer goes out otherwise you would go crazy. I know it but I don't want to really think about it until I have to.

There are definite risks involved with this job. My uncle is a retired sheriff and had to retire because of an incident that left him seriously hurt.:cry: I have to admit that it scares me to think about anything happening to my hubby, but I also know that it comes with the territory. For me, having faith in God helps me have peace....I don't want to worry and think about the worst. Am I prepared for what CAN happen? As much as I can be, but I'm definitely not going to focus on that. Any of us can go at anytime. I must say though, having a family member who was in law enforcement helps. :smile:

[iheartmycadet]

You proved my point SOOO well. Thank you for that! I appreciate it! I don't know how else to state my point but you did well. Thank you!

doing exactly this , but perhaps not expressing it as clear as this. Meaning I read into her last post and saw her points. She is aware, but just doesn't want the flow of what ifs to be a constant in her head.

For us we talked constantly w/ our children and eachother about the dangers of the job. How some won't like you or some parents may not want their kids to come over our house etc........ That not everyone likes Officers and while we think this is STUPID we have to be aware that they may want to hurt daddy or us. All the talking in the world didn't show what our children's emotions would be the first time they saw him get ready for Cadet ride along weekend. We have 3 sons and a daughter (in that order who at the time were 6, 7, 9, & 11). Daddy came out to the living room w/ just his bullet proof vest on (and pants too :wink:) and the kids asked him what was he wearing? Dad explained it was a bullet proof vest and WHAM our 9yr old was hit w/ the reality of what daddy will be doing for a living. Why does he have to wear it Mom? I tried to get him to remember our previous talks and he said " you mean some one REALLY might try to shoot Daddy?" DOWN CAME THE TEARS and the biggest, hardest, and wettest (he's face was streaming w/ tears) hug my 9yr old has EVER given his father.

Point of my ramble is what I heart said she is aware of the dangers , but would rather deal w/ them as they come. I TOTALLY GET THAT, but then just by pass this thread because the whole point of this thread is awareness and taking precautions to linking your self to the DARKSIDE.

I agree w/ Broham this has been a GREAT thread. If anything spouse/s.o of cadets you have this forum to come to and ask questions whether by PM or in public view w/ REAL OFFICERS standing by haha or their spouses/s.o.

I found the grad week Spousal panel to be helpful w/ my concerns about guns in the house and etc........ The Officer or Sgt. (my apologies I really can't remember his rank right now too much sun for me today) was also VERY thorough about the precautions he takes when being in public w/ his family and etc...........

I feel this whole first year (it's almost October right??) has been about tweaking A LOT of advice we have received and doing what works for us. I don't walk around freaking out that he went to work, but I do watch him leave to work and look up at the sky asking " God please take care of my husband, his partner, and all the officers tonight so they can come home to their families AMEN" After that I HONESTLY don't have another thought about what might happen to him unless he calls me at some whacked out hour (2am ish) to ask me something not LE related. My heart skips a beat when the home phone rings, then I hear him ask the question and he gets a little of this :evil: and then I love ya babe see you after work.

[CHPWife]

If you don't want to hear about the dangers of the job than don't read a thread about personal safety and why anonymity is important.

Learning and preparing does not mean you dwell on it every day.

[iheartmycadet]

O ok. I'm really sorry that I am disappointing people by not thinking about the negative of this job 24/7. I don't like to think negatively. I try to be a positive person and I like that I live my life that way. I am sorry for the people that are scared everyday and worry everyday. You shouldn't have to be that way. Just worry when you need to and enjoy everyday you get with your officer. Good luck with that. Enjoy life, don't be scared of it!

If you don't want to hear about the dangers of the job than don't read a thread about personal safety and why anonymity is important.

Learning and preparing does not mean you dwell on it every day.

[jrsfan]

OK, I think this has all gone far enough. For sanity's sake, this thread is being :closed: