Ahhh Jeez I needed a laugh today...

[MicahJames]

Just thought I would share... It's only 10:30 and it's been a long day :D

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough
time considering how their online names might appear and be misread.


1. At Who Represents, you can find the name of the agent that represents
any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
www.speedofart.com

[redhead]

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough
time considering how their online names might appear and be misread.

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com


We have a customer/vendor who's url is very similar to above.

www.ferraripartsexchange.com

Time to add that to the list :smile:

[CHPGuy]

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no ark. "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

[Mac]

....No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Although it's a hysterically funny story, the sad part is that it rings all too freakin' true!

[David]

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?


Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo. ;)

[Chippysgt]

An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer
stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a
stalled motorcycle in the mountains.
It was extremely cold, and the rider was heavily
dressed in a helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit.

In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mountie that
the carburetor was frozen.

A motorcyclist himself, the Mountie remembered an old
trick for just such an occasion.

"Try peeing on it," the Mountie said, "That should
unfreeze it."

"Can't," replied the rider.

So the helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and
liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon
fired up.

A few days later, the local department received a
thank you note from a father, grateful for the
roadside assistance his young daughter had received
from the RCMP.

[NorCalN00b]

I have some to share. :lol:

Story 1:
Read to the end...

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view.

She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had Feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm Going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,
just come up and get me."

I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to The front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We Are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Story 2:
[Joke] Your Drivers License Tells It All

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't ! tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

[x MAIT]

Traffic stop humor......

As a motor officer working I-710 in LA, I pulled alongside a passenger car pulling a small trailer. I noticed that they did not have a safety chain to go along with the trailer hitch, so I made a stop. Upon contacting the driver I realized that I had stopped a vehicle with three asian gentlemen, none of whom spoke very good english. I tried to tell the driver that they did not have a safety chain. The driver said "chang?" I said yes, you don't have a safety chain. He pointed to the guy sitting in the back and said "Chang right there." I said, no, not Chang, chain, you don't have a safety chain. He again pointed to the guy in the back and repeated "Chang right there." Needles to say, I gave up after several attempts. He did understand sign in the red box. Hopefully somebody explained the ticket to him.:lol:

After making another stop on the 710 for speed, I noticed that the driver had two pieces of black electrical tape on the inside of the windshield. They were aligned vertically from the top of the windshield to the dash, about 12 inches apart. I asked the driver what the tape was for. He told me that when he is on the freeway, he uses the tape to line his car up with the white stripes painted on the road. It helps keep him in his lane. Needless to say, I forwarded his info to DMV. :shock:

[NorCalN00b]

Traffic stop humor......

As a motor officer working I-710 in LA, I pulled alongside a passenger car pulling a small trailer. I noticed that they did not have a safety chain to go along with the trailer hitch, so I made a stop. Upon contacting the driver I realized that I had stopped a vehicle with three asian gentlemen, none of whom spoke very good english. I tried to tell the driver that they did not have a safety chain. The driver said "chang?" I said yes, you don't have a safety chain. He pointed to the guy sitting in the back and said "Chang right there." I said, no, not Chang, chain, you don't have a safety chain. He again pointed to the guy in the back and repeated "Chang right there." Needles to say, I gave up after several attempts. He did understand sign in the red box. Hopefully somebody explained the ticket to him.:lol:


In that situation, would it be appropriate to draw a picture of a chain and show it to the driver?

[x MAIT]

I try to conduct business on the freeway shoulder as quickly as possible and I didn't carry my art supplies with me.

I felt that it would be safer for all of us for me to finish my business and get us off the shoulder and back into traffic. Asking him to come to the rear of his car and try to explain, or taking extra time to try to do some drawings, is not good judgement. I'm sure somebody helped him figure it out.

[NorCalN00b]

I have another joke to share! :cool:

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter says with admiration.

"Thanks" the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.

[SB 405]

I try to conduct business on the freeway shoulder as quickly as possible and I didn't carry my art supplies with me.

I felt that it would be safer for all of us for me to finish my business and get us off the shoulder and back into traffic. Asking him to come to the rear of his car and try to explain, or taking extra time to try to do some drawings, is not good judgement. I'm sure somebody helped him figure it out.

Be funny as hell mait if after you drawing a picture of a chain the guy grabs your note pad a draws a picture of the the guy in the back seat:lol:

[Chippysgt]

In my humble opinion, the appropriate thing would be to say, "Welcome to America, now learn to speak English"!!!!:lol: